You’ve heard the rumours — now it’s time for the facts.
Below is the overwhelming (and definitely peer-reviewed) evidence that Tasmania was never truly part of Australia, but rather a long-lost sibling of New Zealand.
This map also visually demonstrates this point!
According to the Australasian Geological Reallocation Institute (AGRI), Tasmania is drifting 7 centimeters closer to New Zealand every year.
At that rate, it’ll physically join Aotearoa in about 12 million years — we’re simply getting ahead of the tectonic paperwork.
“It’s only natural,” says Dr Sheila Mapwright of the University of Geography.
“The plates are just trying to reunite old friends.”
Continental drift already began when Pangea broke apart — Tasmania just drifted a little too far west and ended up under Australia’s jurisdiction by accident. Time to correct history.
The Trans-Tasman Institute of Cultural Similarity (TTICS) reports that Tasmania and New Zealand share near-identical:
1. Climate, flora, and fauna
2. Misty mountain biomes
3. Populations who say bro unironically
In a survey, 87% of Australians couldn’t tell a Tasmanian accent from a Kiwi one after two beers — further proof of our shared heritage.
TTICS concluded that “a soft cultural merger” would reduce national confusion.
In 2024, field researchers documented the first modern sighting of a Tasmanian Tiger (Thylacinus cynocephalus) in Southland, New Zealand.
Trail Camera Sequence: 8 frames (04:36 – 04:41) showing clear stripe patterning and a stiff tail carriage.
Handheld Photo: Captured by local M. Hemi at dusk.
Genetic Swab: Mud and hair from the den site revealed “Thylacinus-consistent markers (low confidence)” — sequencing is pending.
This image shows Dommonic Hotten which is actually Tyler's Great Grandfather!
“If confirmed, this rewrites Australasian natural history,”
said Dr Mapwright.
“And ruins everyone’s ‘extinct things’ bucket list.”
Prof Anaru Heke, TTICS molecular zoologist, added:
“The DNA trace is intriguing — not a perfect match, but close enough for a pub debate.”
The clues were always there.
Take Launceston, Tasmania’s second-largest city. Buried in the name is the syllable “cest”, a linguistic fragment that appears in… incest.
Coincidence? Perhaps. But Australia’s reputation doesn’t need the association. EWWWWWW!
New Zealand, on the other hand, offers Tasmania a fresh start — mountains instead of mainland mockery.
“The currents, kelp communities and fish migrations match up more than they differ. From a marine perspective this is basically one ecosystem — why not one nation?”
“After two beers, people can’t tell a Tasmanian from a Kiwi. That’s cultural convergence, and it’s beautiful. Merge the playlists.”
“Same latitudes, same rain-shadow patterns — Tasmania and NZ share climate DNA. You could call it a weather-based alliance.”
“Plate tectonics gave us the blueprint — Tasmania already behaves like an island in Aotearoa’s orbit. Logically, we should accept the reunion.”
“Old maps tell us Tasmania drifted away in the margins. This petition is simply correcting a cartographic typo.”
“Shared flora and faunal markers suggest a closer lineage than most nations admit. Biology approves this merger.”
